I Can’t Imagine Anyone Will Read This

I mean it’s the Super Bowl. America stops for the Super Bowl. More stores close today than on Thanksgiving and Christmas. About the only business that goes on overtime for a day like today is the Police Department. The spousal abuse, the drunk driving, the public urination. Oh yes, on a day like today America shines.

So, since I can’t imagine that anyone would be opening their laptop and clicking on the ChickenFriars page instead of eating chicken wings and chugging back some overrated IPA; I’m going to use this space for my own personal gain today. I’ve got some messages I need to get out.

Luke F.,

Hey buddy! Remember when we met Nick Hundley and then bought season tickets? It just happened to be during that improbable 2010 season when everything went the Padres way. Remember how happy we were, and how odd yet destined it was? Man, those were good times. Remember the next season when the season ticket reps relentlessly called and e-mailed you, begging you to renew for 2011? Remember when you did? Idiot. You should have done what I did in 2005. When they asked me to renew, I said I would if I was guaranteed they wouldn’t lose in the first round of the playoffs. The season ticket reps never called me again. I’m also not allowed to be within 100 yards of the ticket booths. Oh, well.

How’s the wife? Hope you’re good.

Sincerely,

Dallas.

Travis R.,

Remember when we did that Padres podcast outside of our house, and about ten minutes in a huge Brown Widow spider started to build a web right above Nick’s head? Then, we had the bright idea to light a newspaper on fire (The first time anyone has used a newspaper in awhile.) and use it as a torch to burn the spider. It did not turn out the way we thought and Nick spent a lot of time in the hospital. Anyway, remember how good the first ten minutes of that podcast was?

Good times. Hope you’re good.

Always,

Dallas.

Nick M.,

Hey, dude! I know you’re probably knee deep in some wings right now, but I was just writing to Travis and I thought about something. Remember in 2006 when we had that Padres playoff party at our house? It was their elimination game against the Cardinals and we were drinking a lot. You bought that “Who’s Your Padre?” shirt and we kept making jokes about Tony LaRussa‘s hair the whole night. Anyway, remember when the Padres lost that game, and you took off that shirt, threw it in our yard and lit it on fire? Ha-ha!

Hope you’re family is well.

Keep the Faith,

Dallas.

Jer S.,

Hey! Remember when you punched a whole through our window at that same party?

How’s the baby?

Love,

Dallas.

Jimmy B.,

How are you? It’s been a couple of years, but I trust everything is okay. I was just thinking about the time you drove down from Anaheim for the 2005 Cardinals/Padres playoffs series. You being a big time Cards fan and I the Padres stalwart. We sat in the stands and you spent the whole game trying to figure out who the Padres players were. It was funny, then by the 6th inning it just got kind of depressing. It was hard to explain how we made the playoffs with an 82-80 record that season and even harder to defend our playoff chances or why you should have cared about Sean Burroughs. Truth was no one should have. Can’t trust a guy who runs like a little kid runs across the street for ice cream.  Anyway, miss hanging out and you’re welcome for David Freese.

Pete Kozma! Who knew?

Always,

Dallas.

Josh E.,

Remember that Matt Stairs bet we made? I won. I will never let you forget it.

I won,

Dallas.

Sean O.,

DUDE! Remember when you became a Giants fan the same season they won the World Series? Crazy lucky for you! It’s almost like you planned it that way, but that would be ridiculous. I’ve seen you’re Will Clark rookie card, or maybe you’ve just told me you have one. Either way. Gotta love Bruce Bochy!

Beat LA!

Dallas.

Just give me a chance! (Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports)

Bud Black,

This is my 18th letter to you in the past three weeks, and 284th since August 2012, but who’s counting? Well, apparently you’re lawyers. I feel like calling me a “stalker” is a bit overboard and a little premature. I mean it’s not like I’ve ever been to your house, and stood outside your window, and played your favorite song, “Summer of ’69”, on my recorder over and over again. So, I would say let’s hold off on the restraining order, so we can both take some time to figure out ‘our feelings’. But, like I’ve said in the last 18 letters – I’ll be at the Waterfront Bar and Grill every wednesday night at 8pm. I’ll be wearing your Angels jersey and I’ll be holding a single red rose. I hope you’ll finally join me.

Also, tonight please open your shades.

Love,

Dallas.

ENJOY THE SUPER BOWL EVERYBODY!

For more Padres stuff and other things you might not care about follow me on Twitter @dallas_mc